


A Prologue of Sorts

by Fangirl_fanatic



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, Comfort, Coming Out, F/F, Nervous!tobin, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23409289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_fanatic/pseuds/Fangirl_fanatic
Summary: Tobin is pretty sure she's broken. Well, her college girlfriend used the term "fucked up" when they broke up because Tobin couldn't reach the level of intimacy that she had wanted. And her girlfriend after that had said she was "frustrating." And the one after that said she "can't know for sure until she actually tries it" before proceeding to dump her. But her last girlfriend did, in fact, use the word broken — several times and along with many others — when they broke up three months in. And then there were no girlfriends for a long time after that. So, yeah, Tobin might be a little broken.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 15
Kudos: 128





	A Prologue of Sorts

**Author's Note:**

> It is three in the morning and I’m exhausted but boy did I enjoy writing this

Tobin is pretty sure she's broken. Well, her college girlfriend used the term "fucked up" when they broke up because Tobin couldn't reach the level of intimacy that she had wanted. And her girlfriend after that had said she was "frustrating." And the one after that said she "can't know for sure until she actually tries it" before proceeding to dump her. But her last girlfriend did, in fact, use the word broken — several times and along with many others — when they broke up three months in. And then there were no girlfriends for a long time after that. So, yeah, Tobin might be a little broken. 

But who cares, right? Tobin doesn't need a girlfriend, not when she has soccer and her teammates. So she, just, doesn't date for a while. The idea is appealing, sure, because being romantic is something that Tobin can do — enjoys even — but she doesn't find what comes after that very appealing. Sex just isn't her thing. But that doesn't make any sense because she's supposed to enjoy it — other people do so why doesn't she? Again, "broken" seems to be the first thing that comes to mind. So Tobin doesn't date. 

And then Christen comes barreling into her life almost as fast as she sprints on the field and Tobin isn't sure how to feel. Because dating Christen is definitely on her mind but the fear of starting something she can't finish is also absolutely terrifying. So Tobin just ignores it — figures she'll make a decision later on if her feeling are still there. 

Christen takes the choice out of Tobin's hands with a shy smile and a hesitant, "Will you go on a date with me?"

Tobin agrees without a second thought, finding Christen's blush endearing and realizing that yeah, she'd like that. She only panic after the whole interaction is over and Tobin is left staring after Christen with the sinking feeling that she's going to end up disappointing the poor girl. God, what has she gotten herself into?

They go on a date. It begins with Tobin spending an hour getting ready while Ashlyn and Kelley give her unhelpful advice and then her stumbling over a compliment to Christen about how stunning she looks while her date blushes profusely. It ends with a cheek kiss outside Tobin's hotel room door and Kelley teasing Tobin for being a bottom — "She kissed your cheek while you blushed like a schoolgirl. You're a bottom." — after revealing that she watched the whole interaction through the door's peephole. Tobin contemplates strangling Kelley but ultimately just ends up throwing a pillow at her as she cackles loudly. 

There's a second date a few days later — making the most of their time at camp and all that — and Kelley waggles her eyebrows suggestively as Tobin leaves the room which makes her blush. They kiss at the end of the night this time — like, an actual kiss that has Tobin's stomach doing somersaults — and make a promise to go on a third when they have some time. Tobin goes to sleep with a smile on her face, a goodnight text on her phone, and the nagging feeling that she's going to disappoint Christen soon at the back of her mind. 

Christen comes to Portland a month later to play a game against the Thorns and they make arrangements for Christen to be able to spend the night at Tobin's once the game is over and then also leave a day late. Her team loses but Tobin doesn't even care as Christen smiles widely at her and climbs into the passenger side of her car. By the time they make it to her apartment, Tobin's laughed more in the one car ride than she has the entire week and Christen seems close to tears as she clutches her stomach, doubled over laughing. 

"I can't believe she really said that to the ref!" Christen is still laughing as they make it to the doorway and Tobin shakes her head fondly at the old memory she had recounted to Christen. 

"Oh yeah, even when I was five, my mom was very intense about the games."

"God, she really was one of those moms. That's so funny," Christen says, both of them chuckling quietly as Tobin tosses her keys onto the counter. 

"My bedroom is down that hall and to the left," Tobin tells her, pointing in the general direction of where she's talking about. "Feel free to set your stuff wherever. The bathroom has everything you should need."

"I'm staying in your room? Presumptuous, are we?" Christen raises an eyebrow, smirking as Tobin starts to blush and rub the back of her neck. 

"Well I, um — it's just... I mean you could totally stay in the guest room. Er, it's to the right down that hallway and—"

"Tobs, I was just messing with you. Of course I'm staying in your room." Christen winks and saunters off to the bedroom, leaving Tobin standing stunned in the middle of the kitchen. She's suddenly very aware of the implications that come with them sharing the same bed and she'd be lying if it she said it didn't make her a little nervous — and a little uncomfortable. She tries to shake it off by distracting herself with making dinner but then Christen is back, her wet hair curling in an absolutely gorgeous way and suddenly Tobin is very thankful she showered at the stadium. One less opportunity for an awkward situation that could end with Tobin being revealed as the disappointment she is. 

"Mmm, something smells nice," Christen murmurs, moving around the counter to wrap her arms around Tobin's waist and resting her chin on her shoulder as she cooks. 

"It's whole grain pasta with store-bought Alfredo sauce, turkey sausage, and peas. Not exactly fancy but I'm a little tired," Tobin admits, leaning into Christen's touch as she hums in acknowledgement. "It's almost ready, could you grab some plates from the cabinet over there?"

Reluctantly, Christen pulls away from Tobin and does as she was instructed while the other woman drains the pasta and combines it with the sauce. Christen watches her stir the pasta together, openly staring more at Tobin than the pasta. Tobin fights the urge to squirm under her gaze, instead giving her what she hopes is a confident smile and gesturing for the plates that Christen's holding. She dishes up the food quickly, handing one plate to Christen and then grabs forks from the drawer nearby. 

"We can either eat this at the table or on the couch while watching mindless TV," Tobin says, not really phrasing the statement as a question but looking for an answer anyways. Christen beams at her.

"Couch, definitely the couch."

They spend over two hours curled up together, watching a Family Feud rerun just for the hell of it and laughing even when things really aren't that funny. Christen is laying halfway on top of Tobin — a position she'd crawled into once Tobin had come back from washing their dishes — with her head on her chest, vaguely listening to the quiet thud of her heartbeat. Tobin has one hand in Christen's hair, twirling it around her fingers absentmindedly, and the other is around her waist, holding her in place and squeezing lightly from time to time when something especially funny happens on the screen. 

It's only just gotten dark when Tobin squirms a little, looking down at Christen and brushing a stand of curly hair out of her face with a quiet sigh. "I think it's just about time to call it a night."

With a tired nod, Christen rises off the couch and Tobin follows after her. Their feet pad quietly on the wooden floor and not much is said as they make their way to the bedroom and both go through their nightly routines. 

There’s a moment after they both brush their teeth that Christen leans over and softly kisses Tobin — who startles momentarily before kissing her back. It’s slow, slow enough that Tobin knows it’s not leading into anything more and she can relax into the kiss instead overthinking her every move. It’s the first time they’ve kissed in over a month and Tobin almost feels bad because Christen has only two days in Portland and Tobin has already wasted one by having cold feet. 

They pull apart after a little while and Christen just smiles sleepily before grabbing Tobin’s arm and dragging her to bed. They curl up under the covers and Tobin moves to wrap her arms around Christen but she shakes her head, chuckling lowly. 

“Uh-uh, you’re not the big spoon.” Tobin tries to protest but Christen cuts her off. “Besides, my hair would be in your face all night. Flip over.”

She doesn’t leave much room for argument and, if she’s being honest, Tobin doesn’t care that much as long as Christen is here with her. She flips onto her other side without a word and soon Christen is cuddling up behind her, laying one arm over Tobin’s side and the other up by her head. They fall asleep easily after that and soon, their quiet snores are filling the room. 

The next morning, Tobin wakes up in a panic. She rolls out of bed and away from Christen, breathing raggedly as she moves to the living room. It’s strange, how some things just happen at the worst moments and after a restless sleep — everything hits Tobin like a ton of bricks. God, what’s wrong with her. She woke up in Christen’s arms, a little tired after having a rough sleep — too preoccupied with overthinking to get in a full eight hours — and left the bed to panic. 

All Tobin can think is that there’s something wrong with her, that she’s broken, that Christen is going to realize and break up with her. Sitting on the couch, Tobin puts her head in her hands and tries to not think about it. She’s tries, she really tries but the impending doom of a relationship that is sure to fail can be kind of a hard thing to ignore. Tobin’s breathing starts to come a little faster and in shorter puffs and suddenly everything feels like it’s crashing down around her. She’s really trying to focus on not freaking the fuck out when quiet footsteps sound from down the hallway. They get closer and Tobin has enough sense left in her to try and pull it together but she can’t quite do it when—

“Tobin?” Christen’s voice is raspy from sleep but is concerned nonetheless. It takes all of her willpower for Tobin to raise her head from her hands and look at Christen, breathing still ragged. “What’s going on?”

“I— nothing.” Tobin’s voice cracks in the least convincing way possible and Christen walks closer cautiously, eventually sitting down next to her and pulling one of Tobin’s hands into her lap to hold. 

“Tobs, babe, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Tobin doesn’t want to cry, she really doesn’t want to cry but having Christen look at her like that makes it exponentially harder to hold the tears back. “Did I do something?”

“What, no, of course not. I— you’re amazing. I’m just such a fuck-up.” Tobin wants to run away and hide forever — to never have to look Christen in the eyes again — but instead she stays, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay. 

“That’s not true at all, hon, not at all.” Christen shakes her head adamantly, swiping her thumb across the back of Tobin’s hand comfortingly. “But, babe, you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong so I can help.”

“You’re gonna hate me,” Tobin mumbles, lowering her eyes so that she won’t have to see the disappointment on Christen’s face. 

“Did you cheat on me?” 

“No! Never, no,” Tobin says, raising her head quickly and shaking it insistently.

“Then I’m not going to hate you, Tobs. Just talk to me.” Tobin remains unconvinced but nods anyways. Now is as good a time as any to have a conversation that’s going to cause their whole relationship to crumble. 

“You have to understand that I love doing this with you — the dating and the kissing and all of that. I love it, every part of it.” Tobin pauses bracing herself as Christen nods encouragingly. 

“But?” Christen leads, prompting Tobin to continue before she chickens out. 

“But... I just don’t want to have sex with you.” Christen stiffens and Tobin quickly realizes how her phrasing made it seem. She continues, making urgent hand gestures with her free hand to wave away what she had just said. “Not you, in particular, but, like, with anybody. It just doesn’t sound... appealing to me I guess? The thought of doing... that makes me uncomfortable.”

“Tobs, this is something you should have told me earlier,” Christen begins and Tobin nods miserably. 

“I know and it’s totally fine if you want to leave and never come back — never have to deal with me again. I get it, I’m fucked up.”

“Hey,” Christen says softly, “don’t talk about my girlfriend like that. Tobin, I like you the way you are, ok? Sure, this is going to change how our relationship works but I still want to be dating you.”

“Girlfriend, huh?” Tobin jokes, trying to ease the tension in the room even though she knows this is a serious conversation.

“That’s the part you latched on to?” Christen blushes and Tobin cracks a smile for the first time this morning. 

“Sorry, I’m just a little overwhelmed.” Christen nods, wrapping an arm around Tobin’s shoulder. “You really want to still be my girlfriend? Even though I’m weird?”

“You’re not weird, you’re different. Not everybody likes sex, and that’s totally fine. This doesn’t change the fact that I really like you — that I really like dating you.” Christen presses a kiss to Tobin’s temple. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, trying to keep her voice from cracking over the rush of emotions. 

“Of course, babe,” Christen says, pulling Tobin closer so that she’s at an angle where they can comfortably cuddle on the couch. “Though we are going to have to talk about boundaries and all that fun stuff later, I’m hungry now. How about we go down to eat at the coffee shop nearby and discuss this after I get some caffeine in me?”

“That sounds perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave any comments/feedback you have, I love to hear from you guys!


End file.
